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“I Told My Husband That I Cheated On Him And Now He Wants A Divorce”

I took some of the advice from my previous thread and told my husband what happened. Here is the thread:

I Cheated On My Husband With A Guy From Work And I Don’t Know What To Do

I have a main account but I decided to create this one to post this in order to avoid embarrassment or reveal my identity. 

I got married 4 years ago to my husband. He was in his 40s and I was in my 20s. The age difference between us has never really been a problem as we are both educated, well spoken, have similar personalities and share a lot of interests, and as a result we mesh well. My husband is a very caring and thoughtful man. This is one of the traits that made me fall helplessly for him, along with his intelligence and fun personality. I will not reveal anything pertaining to kids as this might punch a hole in my wall of anonymity.

I’ve always loved my husband and I still do. But I’ve never really been sexually attracted to him. This is not to say that I find him unattractive. No. He is okay as far as physical appearance goes, but his look has never been the kind to turn me on sexually. To put it plainly, I find that I’m only sexually attracted to young men around my age with tall, athletic bodies and with the energy and agility to please a woman satisfyingly in the bedroom. I met this kind of man in my work place and after we talked a few times I couldn’t help but become attracted to him. I realized he was also attracted me, and fast forward to a week ago, we had sex in a hotel room. 

I’m ashamed to admit that sex with him was glorious, but it truly was. It was better than anything I had ever done with my husband. I loved how he tossed me around the bed and did stuff to me that my husband doesn’t do and I liked how ever part of his body felt firm and strong. After the act I felt a wave of shame wash over me. I recognized that I had committed an atrocity and I knew I had broken my marriage vows. The guilt of what I had done followed me around like a stench. I hated myself for betraying a man that had always loved and cared for me.

The problem I now face is that despite the guilt and the shame I constantly feel, I still yearn to experience another period of sexual bliss with my colleague. I can’t help it. I’m torn. I already told my colleague that that one time was the last but deep down I don’t want it to be. I know that if I tell my husband about what I did, that it would mark the end of my relationship with my colleague, but I don’t know exactly how my husband would receive this information. I don’t want him to look at me and see a betrayer of trust; a woman lacking integrity and virtue. No. I even thought of resigning from my job or requesting a transfer so as not to be in close proximity with my colleague but I know that wouldn’t solve anything as I still have his social media info and occasionally stalk him(yes I do). I’m so conflicted. I don’t know what to do.

NOW:

I Told My Husband That I Cheated On Him. Now He Wants A Divorce.

I was genuine shedding tears as I relayed my shameful experience to him. I apologized and begged for him to forgive me and I promised to never repeat such again. I thought he’d understand and forgive me. But I was wrong. My husband now wants a divorce. Actually, he has sent me and the kids out of his house. I have a daughter who is 4 and a son who is 2. My husband said he doesn’t think he is the father. I assured him that he is and that he should get a DNA test to confirm. But he refused. 

I rented a 2 bedroom flat somewhere close to my office. This is where I currently stay. Since leaving my husband’s house I have only received a phone call from him where he stated the date that he and I were going to visit my parents who are currently in my village. He told me that if I wasn’t going to come, he’d go alone and tell them what happened and why he decided to divorce me. 

I feel like my life is over. I can’t face my parents and tell them what I’ve done. It’s very shameful. I can’t even face my friends and relations. I feel like I’m drowning a pool of shame and despair. I can’t imagine being a single mother at this age. I love my husband and I enjoyed our marriage. I can’t imagine it all being over. 

I called my colleague and told him everything. He said that I shouldn’t hold him responsible for anything since our rendezvous was based on mutual consent. He said he doesn’t want to have anything to with me and we should keep our relationship at work very platonic so as not to raise eyebrows of those who might link him to what happened with me.

I’m utterly hopeless. I feel like taking my life. I almost took this action yesterday but I pitied my children. But with every passing day I feel like suicide is the only way to end my pain. I wish I had listened to those people who advised me to keep what I did a secret. I wanted to, but every time I was with my husband I felt I was constantly betraying him by hiding the truth from him. I just want to die. I can’t bare this pain anymore.

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